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Sunday, August 1, 2010

Pregnancy Isn’t for the Faint of Heart

By Krista W, Charlotte Smarty Pants

This pregnancy is different. I’m twice as tired, twice as hungry, twice as emotional, and yes, I’m carrying twice the babies. We are having twins. Certainly, I feel twice as blessed, but I also feel twice as nervous . . .

For those readers who don’t know, in September of 2009, I gave birth to a little girl named Lily Katherine. Lilly was stillborn five weeks early. Today, we are healing emotionally and nervously excited to welcome two little miracles into our family.

If you think about it, pregnancy isn’t for the faint of heart. I’ve had mine broken one too many times. Even with our thrilling news of twins, I struggle to enjoy every special moment that comes along with pregnancy. I’m scared all the time. Naturally, I fear for my babies’ health. Every day, I pray I will get to hold them in my arms and watch their tiny chests rising up and down with each miraculous breath.

During this pregnancy, I’m doing all the right things (just like I’ve done twice before). I eat well and limit my heavy lifting. I take naps and don’t overexert myself. I’m religious about my daily vitamins, drinking milk, and even talking to my growing bump. What else can I do? The answer, I guess, is to have faith. And, I do. I believe that my story will have a happy ending. It just takes time to overcome old aches and learn to live again.

As the weeks pass I hope to become more confident. I want to start picking out names. I want to dream soft dreams, not harsh nightmares. I’m slowly starting to accept and understand that most pregnancies do end well After all, I need to maintain strength because I have two little gems depending on me.

I know I’m not alone with my concerns and struggles during this pregnancy. There are so many of you out there with your own stories of heartache. Women who have experienced loss and can’t let their minds rest while expecting. I feel for each and everyone of you. We are members of a club that no one ever wants to, or should have to, join.

In addition to the health of the babies, I worry a lot about the day they will be born. It will be a fantastic day full of joy, but also one of reflection. Having given birth to Lily so recently, I will remember her and my experiences in the hospital. It is only natural, right? Certainly I will rejoice, but I’m sure to shed a tear remembering my little one who didn’t come home.

Two babies are blissful and yes, very different to carry. To all you twin mothers out there, you are amazing. I never thought carrying two children would be so tiring, so draining. Nervously and with great excitement, I look forward to life where pregnancy and all its fears are behind me, and in front of me is only the view of all things “twice as nice”.


Jenna said...

Praying that you will continue with a healthy pregnancy and will post a picture of those 2 beautiful babies when they are born! As a mother of twins I know it's twice the worrying, twice the uncomfortableness (is that a word?), twice the emotions...but I promise that soon the JOYS of each day will outweigh all of that!

Anonymous said...

Best of luck to you! Thank you for sharing this today, as I know many of us out here can empathize!


Anonymous said...

As a mom of two who lost a set of twins in between two healthy babies, I wish you all the joy you can handle with two healthy happy babies. You never forget the loss, but the healing does happen.

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