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Thursday, October 14, 2010

Trusting your instincts

By Krista

Before I became a mom, I would roll my eyes when my own mother would spout out the words, “a mothers intuition”. What did that mean? How could she just “know” something wasn’t right? Well, four years and four kids later, I believe (and strongly) in a “mothers intuition”. Twice now, my intuition changed the course of my life . . .

One year ago (practically to the day), I started to feel very nervous about my pregnancy. I was carrying a precious baby girl who was due to join our family in the fall. I loved her and felt her every move. Until one day, when her movement became erratic and just plain “off”. I called the doctor and they told me to count her kicks, which I did. She passed this “test” with flying colors and I went on throughout my day. But, not really. In my heart, I felt something wasn’t right. Why did she stop moving for so long? Why did her kicks come and go? Was this normal because she was getting bigger, or was this a sign that something was terribly wrong? My “motherly intuition” nagged me for days. Finally, I insisted I come in for a stress test so the doctors could see on a monitor what I was feeling internally. It was too late. My daughter she was gone from us forever.

That late September day, I vowed never to trust anyone over my “intuition”. After all, my feelings might be wrong, but what if they are right? In this case, they were right and I paid a hefty price for not being more aggressive about following my “intuition”. I’m not saying I could have stopped the horrible tragedy that was ahead of us, I’m just saying I might have been able to do something. What . . . I’m still not sure.

A year later, I followed my instincts (which sent me straight to an emergency c-section where I delivered our twin boy and girl). During this pregnancy I was aggressive, over-involved, and to the point of almost demanding. I requested stress tests even when the doctors didn’t think it was necessary. It was necessary to me. I also requested ultrasounds constantly so I myself could see the heartbeats and flow of blood in and out of their cords. I was my biggest advocate and I was the one who caught a near deadly mistake.

A week ago my twins were born. I went to the doctors office for my weekly stress test. My sons heart rate wouldn’t stay stable. The doctors claimed it was my own heart beat being picked up on the screen, not his. This answer did not sit well with me. Maybe this was the case, but maybe not? I went into Labor and Delivery to be checked out. They couldn’t find his heart rate but kept trying and trying with the monitor. I finally told the nurse they needed to do an ultrasound to see him closer. She was somewhat take aback. I insisted. What they found changed the course of my life, forever. Our son, Quinn, had almost no fluid left. This should have been picked up on the three ultrasounds I had the previous week, but it wasn’t. The doctor looked me straight in the eye and called an emergency c-section. Low fluid can result in umbilical cord injuries. The twins were born hours later.

They are here, early, but here. Our daughter spent five days being cared for in the NICU, our son nine. But, they are here and healthy. My intuition saved them. So, never, ever doubt what your heart says. The worst case is that you could be wrong, but what would happen if your heart was right? As a mother you need to be in charge of your life. Taking charge sometimes means being aggressive when the moment is right.

Smarties, follow your “motherly intuition” . . . it might change the course of your life.


Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing. You are so right. Nothing is more powerful than a mother's intuition. It makes it that much more important for us to speak up because our little ones can't.

Anonymous said...

Reading this story sends chills through me... I am so sorry for your loss. At the same time, I am so happy that your twins are here, and that they arrived safe and healthy. All of the best to you and your family.

Kristen Moyer said...

Beautifully written, Krista. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Krista: This has brought goose bumps up and down. You will use that intuition for the rest of your life and the lives of your children. And you will think back on your mother's intuition and other mothers' who knew you girls all too well. What a special family.

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