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Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The Importance of a Thank You


By Rachel H

Some of my girlfriends and I started talking about Thank You Notes the other day and I thought it would be a great topic of discussion for all you Smarty Moms. Here are the facts – yes, thank you notes are often redundant when you have already thanked someone in person. Yes, they are a pain to write. Yes, they are time consuming. Yes, it is easier to send an email than waste a stamp. But we all agreed that thank you notes should be sent as often as possible. We all had the “old school” opinion that receiving a thank you note in the mail shows that the recipient was genuinely touched by your gift. It shows an appreciation for the time spent in choosing that perfect gift. It also sets a good example for your kids.

One area that we discussed was Children’s Birthday Parties. It seems that the new trend is to open gifts after the party. For this reason, we all agreed that it is very considerate to send thank you notes since the giver did not see the child open it. Also, now that many parties are held outside of the home, it has happened that gifts get separated in transit or left behind. The giver wants to know that your child did indeed receive the birthday gift they purchased! If your child is just learning to write, a simple one-word sentence on a thank you card will do. “Dear Jake, The Racecar you gave me was cool. Thanks, Henry.” If your child is small, of course you should write the note yourself. If your child is older, they should definitely take the time to write a few sentences. Not only does this confirm that their gift was received, but it teaches children manners and thoughtfulness. If you attend a small birthday gathering with family and a few friends, and gifts are opened on the spot, we agreed that thank you notes may not be expected, but are always appreciated.

Another area of discussion was whether or not you should write thank you notes to family members. My sister and I were raised to write a thank you to all of our relatives any time they sent a gift, so I still continue that tradition with my children. I especially think it is important when the gift is sent from out-of-town relatives. It is not unheard of that packages get lost in the mail. The giver wants to know that the gift sent was actually received. A thank you note is especially nice because since Grandma did not get to see Sally open her gift in person, she would love a note that says Sally has played with her dollhouse every day since it arrived.

Now on to a tougher area, new mom thank you notes. This means you just had a baby and you have received gifts in the mail, dinners delivered, friends have watched your older kids for you, etc. Friends come out of the woodwork when you give birth and are wonderful helpers! My opinion is that all tangible gifts always get a thank you note as soon as possible. I also wrote thank you notes for dinners that were delivered to me, BUT I do think that this is one time in your life where a verbal thank you is enough. Things are crazy at a house with a new baby and I think very few people expect you to write notes for dinners or other types of help. I will say that if you keep a list of these things friends have done for you, maybe when the chaos at home calms down, you can jot a note to your neighbor who mowed the lawn all month for you, or your girlfriend who listened to you cry on the phone each night when your baby wouldn’t sleep.

So there is my two cents on thank you notes. I am sure some of my friends are sitting there thinking, “Oh great, Rachel gave me a gift and I did not send a thank you card and now she thinks I am a terrible person.” Not at all, because I know for a fact that gifts have come into this house somewhere along the way and I am sure I did not get a note out to every person who sent one! Life gets crazy and we all understand the life of a Mom. Although I am going to make a good effort to set an example for my kids and show them how much a few words of thanks can mean to others.

What's your two cents on thank you notes?

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

We are getting ready to work on Sylvie's thank you cards today--nice picture! Andi

Anonymous said...

I completely agree with this article. Especially the part that says Thank you notes are not "required", but are always appreciated. How true.

Kristie said...

Good topic, Rachel! I'd be interested in everyone's thoughts about thank you notes for Christmas gifts from family that are exchanged in everyone's presence. We definitely write thank you notes for all gifts that are not opened in front of the person that gave the gift. However, I was not raised to send thank you notes to all of my relatives if we opened the gift, said 'thank you' and gave that person a hug and a kiss. I realized after I got married that there are differences in opinion on this topic. Anyone?

Julie Ball said...

There are some really cute "fill in the blank" thank you notes out there for kids. We used these after my son's 4th birthday party (he wrote his name and some of his friends' names; I filled in the rest.) He really enjoyed writing them and putting stickers on the envelopes - and he learned a new way to show kindness and gratitude to his friends and family. (I like the idea of having kids make the cards, but when we have a bunch to do I can see his patience and his carefulness with the markers wearing thin!)

Anonymous said...

When my children have an overwhelming number of thank-you notes to write, we often do them together on the computer. I type out what they tell me, we print it off, and then they draw a small picture and sign their name. (You can also print it on cute themed paper.) Not super time consuming, but people do appreciate that we made an effort and it teaches my kids to go out of their way and show their thankfulness.

Kristie said...

For those of you that are computer savvy, I have a fairly simple idea about sending out thank you cards created by your child. We did this last year after a birthday party: Have your child draw a picture, sign his/her name and then scan it in and save it as a .jpg or .bmp file. You can create a card in Word or any other program by placing the scanned image into the document. Print it out in color and then fold them up into cards. Depending on the child’s age, they can add a personal sentence or two…and there you have an original thank you note that your child took the time to do him/herself. This way, the child doesn’t get frustrated (I hope!) with having to sit down and do 10+ drawings and signatures and can concentrate on what she/he wants to say to the person about the gift that was received.

Anonymous said...

This is for the question about family thank you notes at Christmas. I totally think it depends on your extended family. My family is VERY big on thank you notes and my aunt, uncles, etc seem to get their feelings hurt if we do not send them. So we do send to these relatives who it is important to. BUT my own parents and husband's parents have specifically told us not to waste time writing notes for them, so we just give a verbal thank you. So I guess if you get the feeling that it is important to them, go ahead and send one. Or just ask - hopefully they'll feel the same way you do and you can both forgo the thanks!

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for posting about this. I think thank you notes should always be written. Regardless of who bought the gift. I am the only one on my husband's side that writes thank you notes. If you have small children one option is to take a picture of the child with a present and send it to the person, with a brief note. My mother told me when I was younger "if Aunt Betty could spend her money to buy you a gift, the least you can do is tell her you appreciate it". Thank you so much Rachel!

Anonymous said...

Amen! This is a great article!

RLR said...

We write thank-yous for every gift, meal, etc. - even if we know the giver doesn't expect one. This makes it easier on Mom - I don't have to remember who (and who not) to write to! Once my kids write their names, they sign notes that I write. We have also used the fill-ins, which are great for kids who are writing more or can copy words you spell out for them, but they are not my favorite.

Jennifer G said...

Reverse the positions.
If you took the time to think about, purchase, wrap, send, bring, etc. a gift for someone, doesn't that little piece of mail a few days later make you smile all over again?
Miss Manners was beat into my brain. You don't cash that check until the thank you note is written.
You don't play with that toy until that thank you note is written.
You don't re-gift that 4th toaster you got as a wedding gift until that note is written!!
Get the point.
Besides. What if the gift giver is Miss Manners Old School?
Homemade cards are the cutest, fill-in cards are the best for birthday parties and little ones, and personal notes are perfect for the teen.
A hug an a kiss are wonderful, but a thank you is an acknowledgement the giver just may keep in her Hope box forever...

Anonymous said...

I see that this is an "old" topic, but I had to chime in, as Thank you notes are something that I feel VERY strongly about. I have 3 kids, ages 13,8, and almost 7, and they have all been raised to write thank you notes, since before they could write ! I am a person who puts tremendous thought into the gifts that I give, which is why I feel it essential to let someone know how their gift was important to me. For kids, the note does not to be lengthy, just keep it simple ! When they were tiny, I simply put their handprint on a white card and said "Your gift was the best, hands down !" or two of their little thumb prints that say "I gave your gift 2 thumbs up Aunt Kim, thank you for being so sweet to me !"
Nobody from my husband's family ever does thank yous, and being that they live across country, it would be nice to get a simple acknowledgement that the gift was received and appreciated ;)
Anyway, one last thought, Thank you notes are a great way for your kids to practice, writing, spelling and reading ! My 8 year old has even become "pen pals" with her 83 yr old Great Grandmother - it all started with the thank you notes they often exchanged :)

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