Mom, Can We Talk?

By Guest Blogger Jennifer F.

Now that my son, Hudson, is 10 I am appreciating more than ever the activities that he and I did together when he was very little, but maybe not for the reasons you’d think. Yes, my baby is growing older. He’s more independent. He needs me less for the snuggles and daily tasks. He makes his own social plans and is learning to weigh consequences, but more importantly - we’ve laid the important groundwork for good, open communication. He TALKS to me. About REAL issues. Who’s being nice, who’s using bad judgment and making “bad choices for him/herself” (which is what we used to say to him when he was little, “Hudson, make good choices for you. Don’t worry about x”), who’s in trouble and maybe why…

When Hudson was really little, a favorite activity of ours was to slip on our wellies and raincoats and head out into a light rain. We’d go for a walk, rescue earthworms and stomp in puddles. Luckily, he had no interest in stomping on the worms. On prettier days, we’d grab a sand bucket and head out on what we called an “adventure walk." We’d walk the neighborhood collecting rocks, mini pinecones, and bugs-whatever. But the best part was the conversations that we’d have…

Along those lines, would be the walks on the beach. Same idea. Bucket, walking…but this time we’d find shells that we’d glue to paper plates or the occasional hermit crab that would enjoy some time on our deck until the time came for him to go the big tidal pool in the sky. “Crabby” was with us the longest and actually got transported home.

When the weather would warm, I’d be ready to start working on my pots in the yard. I’m not a lover of heavy yard work, but I do love pretty pots filled with plants and overflowing with ivy, phlox or petunias. But when your helper is trying to undo all the work you’ve done, that sense of accomplishment comes at a high price. So, I would let Hudson pick out some seed packets that interested him and set him up with a dirt filled pot, spade and all the weeds and rejected plants and he’d have a ball. He never cared if he didn’t see the pot again since most times there were more seeds on the patio than in the pot. It was the time we spent together. He was also a mean weed puller…although I can’t get him to do this now…

He thought that he was having fun and playing with Mommy during all these activities, but what we didn’t realize was that while he was distracted by the task of saving worms or seeking out only the purple shells-he was talking to me. About life. Why do starfish die? Why did Granddaddy die? What happens to the animals from the shells, where did they go? Do worms feel? Can they swim? How does the seed know which way to grow?

Now that he is older, we still take walks, but now we go to Salem Lake (we hike, picnic, rent a fishing boat/canoe), Hanging Rock, play a round of golf, or cruise around the neighborhood on scooters. But what makes me most content is that we’ve already opened up the lines of communication .

A recent activity we’ve enjoyed as a family is bird watching. If you go to www.birds.cornell.edu you can look into the project feeder watch program. They are currently enrolling for the 2009-2010 season. Registration is until November 14th. For a 15.00 fee, you track your backyard birds and send the information to Cornell. But hopefully, it means that you’re sitting somewhere with a bird book, journal and your child counting and identifying birds. Showing him/her that you’re there for - and - with them.

Our nightly dinner conversation begins each night with a game of “high low." Each person telling their high and their low for the day sparking wonderful conversation. The issues are getting tougher. The feelings are running deeper. But as we prepare to enter the – gulp - pre teen years where the stakes really get higher with all that our kids are exposed to now, I have COMPLETE confidence in knowing that Hudson WILL talk to us as long as he feels that we are really listening and valuing his opinions. He WILL talk to us and let us know who he is hanging out with and we’ll know who they are because we’ve been listening for years.


Tell us about your experiences talking with your children, and what other Smarty advice can you share?

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Posted by Triad Smarty Pants at 5:00 AM